This is a football.
30th April, 2012
And this is what a football looks like. There is nothing stuck to it; no hair or gold or teeth. It carries no messages and whispers only rushing air. All the players may touch it with their hands but feet are more effective. It longs to be caressed and dreams of coming to a spinning stop and settling at the junction of net and turf. The football is our friend. Somebody wants to burst it with a biro pen, somebody has written his name all over it with a silver marker. It has become tawdry and vulgar, a candy-coated Kruggerand. Take off your fucking ties and get down in the dirt. This is what a football looks like.
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So sad James Alexander Gordon don’t read out the classified football results anymore……including the Pride of Glasgow……Queens Park & Co. The Spiders/Hoops is a great team!
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I’m a goalkeeper. The football should actually dream of coming to a stop clutched safely between my hands. Unfortunately the bastard seems to spend a lot of slipping between them instead. Mind you, my hero was Alan Rough when I was a kid.
Do they really call it “soccer ball” in the States?
makes sense right Pete? ;-)
Like Sean Bean in a tutu.
It’s a soccer ball in Australia as well. A football is, well,….a football – oval shaped. And it’s for playing footy with i.e. Rugby League. What a silly word footy is.
I’ve always wondered why we Americans and the Australians call football “soccer”. I found this seemingly plausible explanation after googling it:
“The word was derived from Association Football, which was the original term given to the game in the 1860s at the elite schools that spawned the sport in England. The abbreviation “Assoccer”, which became “soccer,” was used by the British upper classes of that period. When the sport was embraced by the less fortunate, the name of “soccer” was passed down. But most commoners used the word “football” to describe their new game. Nowadays, from the British Royal Family down to the passionate supporters in the terraces at Anfield (Liverpool FC), Old Trafford (Manchester United), or Stamford Bridge (Chelsea FC of London), the game is called football. Or “footy.”
It’s like Mozart.
Ahh…the beautiful game!
On a tour of Scotland, the Pope took a couple of days off his itinerary to visit the north coast near aberdeen on an impromptu sightseeing trip.
His 4X4 Popemobile was driving along the golden sands when there was an enormous commotion heard just off the headland. They rushed to see what it was and upon approaching the scene the Pope noticed just outside the surf, a hapless man wearing a Rangers football shirt, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a twenty-foot shark.
At that moment a speedboat containing three men wearing Celtic shirts roared into view from around the point. Spontaneously, one of the men took aim and fired a harpoon into the shark’s ribs, immobilising it instantly.
The other two reached out and pulled the scum hun from the water and then, using long clubs, beat the shark to death.
They bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious man into the speedboat along with the dead shark and then prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard frantic shouting from the shore. It was of course the Pope, and he summoned them to
the beach.
Upon them reaching the shore the Pope went into raptures about the rescue and said, “I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I had heard that there were some hooligan elements and secterianism,bigotry and evil people trying to divide
the glorious Celtic and Rangers, but, now I have seen with my own eyes this is not true.
I can see that your society is a truly enlightened example of cultural harmony and could serve as a model on which other peoples could follow.”
He blessed them all and drove off in a cloud of dust.
As he departed, the harpoonist asked the others, “Who was that???!” “That,” one answered, “was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact with God and has access to all God’s wisdom.”
“Well,” the harpoonist replied, “he knows f*ck all about shark hunting. How’s that bait holding up or do we need to get another one?”.