Little Stars

Download this for free now at
New album Lower Reaches released 19th August. Pre-order it and a signed lyric sheet of Little Stars now at:—More Motion-sickness

Dead Inside—More Motion-sickness

—Bind the map


John Lydon
Stanley Spencer
The Welsh language
They rhyme garage with disparage and Farage with mirage
Barbara Castle
The subtle art of self-deprecation
They hired a socialist to produce the opening ceremony of the London 2012 Olympic Games
John Cooper Clarke
Philip Larkin
Tottenham Hotspur
The New Forest
Roots Manuva
The Wombles
The inexorable excising of racism and homophobia simply on the grounds of decency
The Beatles
I’ll say it again: The Beatles
Tommy Cooper
Basil Brush
The Royal Shakespeare Company
Charles Darwin
The Poll Tax Riots
Eric Hobsbawm
Jane Austen
The Streets
Billy Connolly
Alfred Hitchcock
Rachel Whiteread
Postcard Records
The absence of the death penalty
Bittersweet Symphony
TV Go Home
Graham Linehan
Rat Scabies
Nick Lowe
The Independent Empire of London
The implicit understanding that morris dancers are pocket fascists
Geniuses at making fun of the Germans
Anthony Burgess
Arial by Kate Bush
Stuart Lee
Vivian Westwood
Steve McQueen
Eric Morecambe
The Smallpox vaccine
Guy Fawkes Night
The Pogues
The National Theatre
Crick & Watson
Shane Meadows
The Battle of Britain
Bobby Moore
Amy Winehouse
The Midlands
The Shipping Forecast
Scotland—More Rants/Slates

—They don't make them like they used to

Thank you

Thanks to everyone who sent me old wedding photos, they’re brilliant. I can’t use every one so don’t be offended if your family don’t make the cut. Your efforts are much appreciated. And those of you who tried to sneak in your own wedding by de-saturating the shots and judiciously cropping out any modern outfits – I’m not falling for it. Nice try…Cheers!  JC—More Rants/Slates

September tour flyer

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Flyer for July

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—A happy couple in yesterday's Soviet Union


Fiends, fellow heirs and inciters. I am making a little video for a track from my forthcoming album, Lower Reaches, to be offered as a free download in a marketing and promotional blitz the likes of which  has not been seen since the privatisation of the gas board. I need wedding photos. I need OLD wedding photos –  your grandparents or your parents – nothing too modern. I need dance floor scenes and group shots, confetti flinging and ribboned limos. I need pictures of folk taking pictures and I need smiles and veils and trains and hats. All and any aspects of weddings for a slow, romantic piece of music.

You’ll need to warrant that you own the images and are happy to have me use them in a music video so don’t send me something that somebody else wouldn’t want to see on YouTube. This is why wedding photos of…—More Rants/Slates

—Some land, Monday

Country and Wasted

I am proud of Scotland. Proud of the fact that we are an experimental human repository for the study of cancer and heart and liver disease. Proud that our largest city harbours a festering internecine hatred nurtured by the segregation of our children in an education system dominated by religion. Proud of our illustrious history of merrily sending young flesh to be maimed and slaughtered in grubby little occupations sought by the British Empire to further its nefarious aims. Proud that triage surgeons have been sent here to train in our ritual orgy of Saturday night stabbings. Proud that we can’t get a tram to run down our capital’s high street, but successfully demolished our great 19th century housing stock to barrack the working class in dormitory sink estates awash with chronic addiction and preventable disease. Proud of our financial institutions, bastions of Presbyterian prudence, who followed the flood of…—More Rants/Slates