—A celebrity, yesterday
Ten Twitter posts I recommend to the attention-starved modern celebrity guaranteed to generate some heat.
1. “Michael Jackson fucked me in the mouth when I was thirteen and I enjoyed it.”
2. “Our soldiers are cowards – even the dead ones.”
3. “Killing or maiming children with brown skin is justifiable if it secures energy supplies to liberal democracies.”
4. “All Olympic Games competitors should be shot in the head before each event.”
5. “I wish the Real IRA would blow up Margaret Thatcher’s offspring.”
6. “Anal rape must be permissable if it serves to get Bruce Springsteen to shut the fuck up.”
7. “Religion operates like dysentery. It renders its host incapacitated and is communicated via their consequent torrent of faeces.”
8. “I’ve had sex with both of my parents.” *
9. “I get an erection every time I see a crucifix.”
10. “I just had a brilliant kiwi and apple smoothie. And now I’m going to torture a prostitute.”
* Russell Brand may already have said this, I’m not sure.
What a twisted mind. Very funny stuff, I love it.
Thanks for publishing this awesome article. I’m reading your
blog since a long time already but I never compelled to
leave a comment. I subscribed to your blog and shared it on my Twitter.
I will come back for sure to check your future posts!
Funny, but the remarks about the real IRA blowing up Margaret Thatcher’s offspring is just not on. The IRA should have blown up Thatcher before she had any offspring, it would have save an awful lof of people grief.
Hi, just wanted to mention, I liked this blog post. It was practical. Keep on posting!
Not much can make me laugh first thing in the morning, but this list actually made me fall out of bed howling like a cayote. Keep that shit up!
When ya comin to Brisbane Australia? Saw you in Newcastle few years back. I hear you’ve supported the ‘Toon’ ever since.
‘Modern celebrity’, as opposed to? I’d like to think that’s meant as I choose to read it.
Please don’t encourage them they appear so easily led.
I take exception to the Bruce Springsteen one. I cannot get enough of Bruce. I listen to him all day long. In fact, at the moment, I cannot get his song Rocky Ground, from Wrecking Ball, out of my head. And if isn’t in my head, it’s Brilliant Disguise that’s lurking about in there. Or any other song of his that isn’t Born In The U.S.A – which happened to be the worst song that he ever did. It’s a bit like Men At Work being known for Down Under – the very worst song they ever did.
My cousin went to see Bruce at the Sydney Entertainment Centre years ago and the crowd wouldn’t let him go from the stage – he kept coming back out and ended up playing for 4 hours. 4 hours! There will never be any shutting Bruce up – and I’m glad of it. He’s always had his own thing going and good for him. I wonder what hope he’d have of making it today with a name like Bruce.
Faeces? Ohhhh… feces!
British spelling, Shane. We can do fuck all else, but we can spell.
@comment #1. I didn’t know Bubbles could type/use Twitter. Damn clever, these chimps.
Bubbles wrote the screenplay for Tower Heist. He can do anything, man.
That explains the scripts for all of Adam Sandler’s films then.