http://youtu.be/XwbWAQjvCss
This really makes a man gag: the chumminess, the reverence and the snivelling obeisance. All hail the unelected Head of State! For she’s a jolly good fellow…
—A pile of rubble, Glasgow, League Cup Final Day
I live in a house with a cat and some ants. Everyone is sated.
I went to my local church and was refused service. I waved my baggy genitals at the man in the frock. The birds whistled a song of acceptance. God peed himself. Everyone went home.
The record shop is overflowing with films. We need more gun shops that sell heroin. We need more live butchery. We need rock and roll salvation.
Spring is arriving and the days creep into evenings. Buses without headlights, women without tights. See the sun arc higher and higher into the northwest. The comedians are coming to town. Pale footballers redden, the lollipop men blush in glinting afternoons. I know where they hide their glossy magazines.
If I really thought about my life I’d redeem myself. I’d take matters in hand. But I wear blinkers, muffs and a face-mask. I watch the world weaken through yellow eyes.…—More Untruths
—A celebrity, yesterday
1. “Michael Jackson fucked me in the mouth when I was thirteen and I enjoyed it.”
2. “Our soldiers are cowards – even the dead ones.”
3. “Killing or maiming children with brown skin is justifiable if it secures energy supplies to liberal democracies.”
4. “All Olympic Games competitors should be shot in the head before each event.”
5. “I wish the Real IRA would blow up Margaret Thatcher’s offspring.”
6. “Anal rape must be permissable if it serves to get Bruce Springsteen to shut the fuck up.”
7. “Religion operates like dysentery. It renders its host incapacitated and is communicated via their consequent torrent of faeces.”
8. “I’ve had sex with both of my parents.” *
9. “I get an erection every time I see a crucifix.”
10. “I just had a brilliant kiwi and apple smoothie. And now I’m going to torture a prostitute.”
* Russell Brand may already have said this, I’m not sure.—More Untruths
http://youtu.be/QAswTXifo6I—More Motion-sickness
http://youtu.be/IIjDBUl4YnU—More Motion-sickness
http://youtu.be/-VfStJ2tyFw—More Motion-sickness
http://youtu.be/CNMnSBwQotw—More Motion-sickness
http://youtu.be/tCh4vBR1Zls—More Motion-sickness
The lovers of the world are slaving away
But I do nothing much but breathe
When good men do nothing, it’s true what they say
The devil is rolling up his sleeve
Is God, so busy in his time, now doing nothing too?
So baby, here I am, waiting for you
A man with nothing to do
Let the years go by, let the daylight die
I can’t think of anything to be
The planes in the sky, the lines in the road
Human hands make everything you see
And if you keep busy in your mind do you think you’ll see this through?
So baby, here I am, waiting for you
A man with nothing to do
I’m a man with nothing to do
I don’t tend the fields, I don’t toil at the sea
So I am passing the time by letting time pass over me
So are you so busy in your mind that you can’t feel it too?
So baby, here I am, waiting…—More Sword
When I’m away from home I do as the locals do
But baby, now I’m in Rome I can’t remember you
Did you used to cut me down, did you use to bury me?
Praise God for the errors of my memory
Whatever I’m coming to I ain’t running home
Cos home is anywhere, anywhere I’m away from you
Out on the road you find invisibility
And the beauty of an empty mind is its tranquility
And if the past comes up and dogs my day
I can take it on a little trip and lose it in the empty space
Whatever I’m coming to I ain’t running home
Cos home is anywhere, anywhere I’m away from you
So, baby if you want me back you don’t have to do a thing
Just stare at the wall as you always do hating everything
And I’ll come flooding back and you can treasure me
With your heart like rock and your mind so black butcher my…—More Sword
Crows capturing buildings and rats camped in a drain
Fireflies caught and cannoned in the rain
Seams of secret people awaiting the shafts that set them free
They make themselves a home inside of me
Armies of children and ghosts of suffragettes
Make merry in the cauldron of my chest
Bodies dumped in ditches and stowaways at sea
They make themselves a home inside of me
They make themselves a home inside of me
A fist-fight at a wedding, a killing on the stairs
The brilliant spark at the start of love affairs
Your tenderness’s blessing and your assassin’s accuracy
They make themselves a home inside of me
Lying asleep at night under the watching ceiling light
Safe in the fortress of your home
Remember you’ll always walk alone
When you’re swooning at the sinking sun
With that special girl you string along
And from the shore you throw another stone
Remember you’ll always walk alone
Walk alone through your life and into the night
You will always walk alone
Arm in arm and hand in hand, tied together with a wedding band
Tethered to the line between the phones
Remember you’ll always walk alone
Walk alone through your life and into the night
You will always walk alone
And alone every night you walk through my mind
There we go, you and I in tandem all the time
Our cover’s blown, now it’s all talk
How you always walk alone
She’s made her mark on me, she’s scarred my memory
Made shallow wounds in the depth of night
Give up my liberty, that’s what she wants from me
Well, I guess I’d care but it feels alright
And if I lose my grip I won’t make it anyhow
So I can’t let go of her now
She makes my common sense come out like self-defence
She breaks my patience like a match
And when I snap in half she’ll be the first to laugh
If I’m a base hit, she’s a catch
And if I lose my grip I won’t make it anyhow
So I can’t let go of her now
Just don’t tell her I would die if I let her slip away
Let her think I’m resigned
Like those drying clothes just hang onto the line
She’s made her mark on me, those little lines you can see
They’re written through me like a poem
She makes a mockery of all I hold life to…—More Sword
I’m not a master of what I survey
To death and disaster I am a slave
But I am the author of the words that I say
Why do I bother – it’s all trash anyway
I try to be truthful, or I think that I try
I may not be useful but at least I’m alive
Millions of letters spilled into the hive
All of them worthless except for this line
I hate the world they gave me
I hate the world they gave me
I stand on a mountain of pitiful prose
My mind is a fountain that pointlessly flows
They give you a trophy if you make the kids scream
But it’s such a joke to me how insipid I’ve been
I hate the world they gave me
I hate the world they gave me
I dig into my past now, I dig into my wrist
To recapture the last time I felt the knife twist
I kick at the shackles and heave at the…—More Sword
Ready To Be
Praise heaven, babe, it’s still alive
A good man’s just a great disguise
Look down deep in his eyes you’ll see
And your friends who say I’m bad
Why don’t you tell them all you’ve been had
Why don’t you tell them what I am is what they see
Cos I’m ready to be the devil they’ve been seeing in me
Look closer it’s still alight
That ain’t a twinkle that you see at night
Ask me again if I think they’re right, you’ll see
Cos I’m ready to be the devil they’ve been seeing in me
Whatever they’ve been seeing, I know him
He lives between the moments, when I’m an angel in silence
He’s climbing over the railway fence
Trying to dispose of the evidence
Trying to compose it so it all makes sense
Trying to get ready to be, ready to be
The devil they’ve been seeing in me
Life is wonderful, you love the days till you’re dead and gone,
The pleasures lived in the light, but I love the night, the shapes it solves
And the way that it falls, the way that it falls
And she loves everyone, so I let her burn in the sun
And then trick her into a fight, cos I love the night, the spills and squalls
And the way that it falls, the way that it falls
Falling through the morning, falling through all of space
To wipe the sunlight from her face
Like the shadow falling in this place
Life is wonderful, you hog the heat till the fire cools
And you hold on as though it’s your right, and dread the night’s
Enclosing walls
And the way that it falls, the way that it falls
Well, I’m talking to myself not you so don’t get mad
Cos I need a friend who won’t talk back
And he is letting me finally see some sense
And I know I should be mending fences but why would I do that?
When I won’t feel alone as long as you don’t come back
And I know that you’ll be picking through the bones of me
Trying to find a heart of stone
Well, if it’s there throw it at my picture
Cos I know I should be building bridges but why would I do that?
When I won’t feel alone as long as you don’t come back
Don’t come back, don’t come round crying
Whatever the angle, I ain’t buying
Whatever the accent you’ve been trying
So I’m talking to myself not you and it ain’t so bad
At least I don’t put myself down
And sometimes I even sound like you
And I know I should be making amends but why would I…—More Sword
Tonight I’m gonna hurt everyone I love just to see if they love me
I’m gonna run around running off my mouth, be as cruel as I can be
Tonight I’m gonna hurt everyone I love, give my bitter side a little exercise
Let my loathing out for a walkabout, give my jealousy a little company
Tonight I’m gonna hurt everyone I love,
Cos I’m tired of trying to keep this stuff inside of me
Tonight I’m gonna say what I never say, I’m taking everybody down
Like Dr. Frankenstein I’ll let the monster walk from the cellar to the town
Tonight I’m gonna say what I never say, every negative I can hit them with,
Every accolade’ll be a hand grenade, let my mission be catastrophe,
Tonight I’m gonna hurt everyone I love,
Cos I wanna wreck what everyone expects from me
Tonight I’m gonna hurt everyone I love just to see if they love me
I’m gonna blow apart the phoney…—More Sword
Baby, can’t you cry, or is she ain’t letting you?
That eyelash in your eye ain’t what’s upsetting you
Though she’s dead and out of sight
She still throws your shoes across your room at night
And she still says you’re cheap and in your sleep sets the sheets alight
So baby, don’t you cry, she ain’t worth it, and besides,
You’re too old for lullabies
So baby, don’t you sink back down that corridor
Take a breath and think what you’ve been running for
Cos she can’t help you now
All she can do is sulk around your house
And show up in your eyes when you’re surprised that you’re happy now
So be glad and proud, cos, baby, you’re allowed
And her shadow disappears when you shine a light down the years
And torch that hallway of souvenirs
So lately you and I have spoken of marrying
So it’s time to say goodbye to that bag of broken things you’re carrying
Cos this time you…—More Sword
What is love for? Does it wash good people ashore,
Does it keep the wolf from the door, what is love for?
What does love do, does it make life worth going through,
Keep you safe from the suicide crew, what does love do?
What is love for, who does it help?
A one-eyed king that leads everything straight into hell.
What is love for, what does it change?
Did Joan of Arc drag anyone back from history’s flames?
What does love do, does it favour a fortunate few,
Does it step on the hearts it can’t use, what does love do?
What does love make but twenty billion perfect mistakes
Trying to figure what they can take, what does it make?
What is love for, who does it help?
A one-eyed king that leads everything straight into hell.
What is love for, what does it change?
Did Joan of Arc drag anyone back from history’s flames?
What is love for, what is love for?
What do…—More Sword
Pick up your shit and my shit too
Don’t need a T.V. to stare at or those pretty clothes to glare at
That you never put on anyhow
‘Cos baby, I’m not so sentimental now
Out with the old, out with the new
If there’s a trinket worth keeping you’d better get it while I’m sleeping
‘Cos baby, I’m not so sentimental now
Don’t think because I loved so hard
I can’t be hard when the hating starts
So take your wounded out
‘Cos I’m not so sentimental now
Take everything, take what you see
The vitamins, the drawing pins, the covers you’ve been lying in to me,
Yeh, take a bow
‘Cos baby, I’m not so sentimental now.—More Sword
In the evening when you’re blue you will feel me walking through you
When you’re crying, that’s my cue, my reminding walking through you
When you’re singing something true I’ll be listening walking through you
And those memories that you lose I can find them walking through you
When you dance and your baby’s dancing too
Then I will walk through you
In the windows in the views there’s a shadow walking through you
When you’re cold, when you’re cruel, that’s my sorrow walking through you
When you wake in the silence of your room
Then I will walk through you
Sometimes I love you, sometimes I hate you
I know you struggle too, it’s in your nature
‘Cos you and I were never meant to be together
But you took off your dress
And something in that mess got changed forever
Some days a breakthrough, some days a breakdown
When I fall out of love you meet me on the way down
‘Cos you and I were never meant to be together
But you took off your dress
And something in that mess got changed forever
Forever, stains and scratches written on the leather
And when the sun comes slanting in I swear it’s raining feathers
And I can’t find myself among this stuff we’ve thrown together
‘Cos somewhere here a shirt of mine is twisted in the arms of your sweater
Sometimes I love you, sometimes I hate you
I know that you do too, it’s in your nature
‘Cos you and I were never meant to be together
But you took off your dress
And something…—More Sword
Baby, I was not the one
I guess you know that now
But I kept you real distracted for a while.
I look back and nothing much
Ever comes to mind
Sometimes I can picture half a smile
We were thick as thieves
Hung on each others sleeves
Kissing all the time
But if I ever loved you shouldn’t I be crying
Shouldn’t I be cracking up
And drinking all the time?
Yeah,if I ever loved you how come I feel alright
How come the nights are so easy
And the mornings look so bright?
I try to figure what has gone
I seem to look the same
Maybe there’s a tightness around my eyes
Sometimes the evening comes
I think I miss someone
And then I realise
That if I ever loved you shouldn’t I be crying
Shouldn’t I be cracking up
And drinking all the time?
Yeah,if I ever loved you how come I feel alright
How come the nights are so easy
And the mornings look so bright?
Love it can make your world
Bring…—More Sword
Only love makes killing time so cruel
The hours come and you drag them round with you
When she is gone the whole hangdog house aches
And you hum along to the sound of heartbreaks
You think you hear in every song
But only love will make you wait so long
For the little gifts that keep you holding on
A scribbled ring round the town she’s staying in,
The little dent in the bed you’re laying in,
The heady scent she leaves on you
But only love makes killing time so cruel
So many things that you must get round to;
A dripping tap, a month’s mail to sort through
If you could just get your mind to clear
But it’s only love and it keeps you waiting here—More Sword
The thing that makes your eyes glitter isn’t always gold dust
The wings you think life’s given you they couldn’t lift a bread crust
A siren in the sky calls my body home
The last remaining high leaves me lowdown and alone
And maps of where you are can be found in every bar
Where those cosy little homilies hang
The thing that makes your eyes glitter isn’t always gold dust
The wings you think life’s given you they couldn’t lift a bread crust
The confidence of kings leaches from my hands
Where jupiter did sing a drunken janitor now stands
To figure who you are you look in every single car
Where they stick those tired sideways looks at life
The thing that makes your eyes glitter isn’t always gold dust
The wings you think life’s given you they couldn’t lift a bread crust
Alone; that ain’t the word
It’s just a groan in the morning nobody ever heard
Once I get my heart back in my hand
I’ll squeeze out every drop of love I can
To rid myself of you, I want with all my soul
But what I want is out of my control
All I’d have to do is fool around
Drag out this old carcass on the town
I know how it is done, just shake the dice and roll
But what I want is out of my control
Why can’t I free myself, climb out of this hole
Deep inside you have taken hold
I try, try, try but every time I just find
It’s out of my control
Twenty planes they leave the runway every day
Taking yet another chance away
I could cut and run, take half what makes me whole
But what I want is out of my control—More Sword
I loved to hurt you without you ever knowing
I could desert you without you ever seeing me going
All the monsters in your nightmares showed
You could see me underneath my cloak –
Do you know, do you know?
Baby, where did I go?
In the mornings, baby, right before you woke
I would ask things that I never spoke –
Does she know, does she know?
Baby, where did I go?
Maybe I was afraid to see you cry
Maybe you didn’t need to cry
Maybe I can tell such a brilliant lie…
I loved to hurt you but you never felt a blow
I could kiss you and still you’d never know…
Baby, where did I go?—More Sword
Lovers leave their traces like jets across the sky
They find in others’ faces lines they recognise
My keepsakes have their places –
At the back of a drawer or slipped between pages and stuck on a shelf
But I’m still in love with nothing but myself
Yeah, sometimes I remember the way they signed their names
And always in December I feel some kind of shame
The heart it stays so tender –
I reminisce like a hangman wishing his prisoners well
But I’m still in love with nothing but myself
I know their mothers’ ages
I know all the stories so well
And I know I’ll see their faces in hell
So wipe away their traces, blow the dust off from the shelf
‘Cos I’m still in love
With nothing but myself—More Sword
Big Macs for the fat, lo-cal wraps for the call centre battery hens,
Japanese snacks for the choice-spoilt citizens, caviar kickbacks for the citadel denizens.
Airport shoeshines servicing the suits among the little silver stereos and hand-rolled cheroots,
First class passengers file on last after the scum are packed in with their tax-free loot.
Checkout calamity, you’re cheated out of loyalty points, ten more years at this joint you’d be home & dry,
Beggars beat round the cash machines but you just slip between them with the usual lie.
Terrible tales of kidnapped kids keep you focused on the family and filling up the fridge,
Neighbourhood watchers shop dole dodgers, stick their semis on the market & start racking up the bids.
Should you stand and fight, should you die for what you think is right
So your useless contribution will be remembered?
If you’re asking me I say no, surrender.
Constant growth the cancerous cure, a swarming race of profiteers…—More Sword
—At last, something we're good at
You can be in love with life without ever noticing the creeping carcinogen of general guilt amassing within. Forgive yourself. It was only drink. You didn’t fuck up the planet. You don’t even own a hairdryer.
When you see happy rich people just remember: that’s what you look like to poor people. But that’s no reason not to relish despising them. Or yourself, for that matter.
My uncle used to go off to a health farm to drink purer gin. He returned rosy-cheeked and better connected. I suppose it was rehab with a little more leeway.
It is a myth that sparkling drinks get you drunk quicker. It is drinking quickly that gets you fucked sooner. Try slamming wine. You become inoperable after a remarkably short time. Probably best reserved for right before they hang you.
When entirely sated it is best to sample one more sip just to be absolutely sure.
Only drink malt…—More Untruths
It was announced earlier today that the world, hitherto assumed to be royally knackered, is in fact going to shit in a shopping trolley. And now over to Steve for the sport.—More Rants/Slates
Birdshit
A more ponderous, pretentious and ultimately vapid drama is hard to imagine unless one dared contemplate an adaptation of Barbara Cartland’s “Love Under Fire” directed by Tony Scott and starring, say, that little pillock from Muse.
Nothing in this lavishly ill-conceived dross was even remotely credible. The enigmatically mumbled dialogue was vacuous, the performances monstrously vain, the direction risibly portentous and criminally derivative. Even the score was crass, repetitive and smug.
Essentially a non-stop sequence of face-achingly drawn out close-ups of a freckly shampoo model with girly lips, the whole production resembled an absurd three hour advert for some dreadful bottled stench called, perhaps, Trenchfoot (by Givenchy). In its desperation to milk cheap reactions from the TV audience, Birdsong played every low trick in the manual – gore, guts and cardboard heroics cut with bucolic idylls shot through diaphanous silks and wafting foliage – resulting in nothing less than hardcore emotional pornography.…—More Rants/Slates