Here’s the new video for Bend To My Will. I was asked to star but declined for two reasons: I can’t act and I can hardly swim. I nearly drowned shooting the Great War sleeve and that was in the bath. I’m basically a coward and a creep and was quite content to have the poor actor here flounder on my behalf for what amounted to bus fare and half a cheese sandwich. I am grateful for his undying commitment to his, wait for it, craft. That’s today’s pun dispensed with. Feast your eyes on this odyssey of oafishness. All is lost!
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In her tireless promotion of brand Britain, the Queen imparts her trademark enthusiasm.
REPUGNANT POWER-PEOPLE APPLAUD REPELLENT RELIC OF HISTORY WHILST TITTERING AND CRINGING SICKENINGLY. GOD, SAVAGE THE QUEEN.
This really makes a man gag: the chumminess, the reverence and the snivelling obeisance. All hail the unelected Head of State! For she’s a jolly good fellow…